Why am I thinking of skulls and gnarly little creatures in the middle of summer?
Maybe it's so disgustingly hot out I would be more comfortable as a skeleton. Preferably a skeleton marionette, with someone else pulling the strings, so that I can spend my own waning energy locating ice buckets. Full of....ice. And possibly champagne.
Or maybe I'm sick of seeing polyester blend jersey dresses in all the colors of the rainbow paired with plastic flip flops - also in all the colors of the rainbow. Please don't misunderstand me- there is nothing wrong with color! Except for when it has no chutzpah, and also lacks direction. (Please Note: There is also nothing wrong with plastic flip flops! As long as they are restricted to garden or poolside use. And judiciously, at that. And polyester blends are absolutely fine! As long as we are talking about upholstered lawn furniture, of course.)
As a natural arse, it is my duty (and my pleasure!) to bring a few summery skeletons out of the closet. Fear not - these are no icky Debbie Downers. Just a few splashes of good old-fashioned, lighthearted macabre to lend a bit of balance to a lively wardrobe.
If you're not convinced yet that this is an excellent idea, lets start off with something undeniably beachy...belly button jewelry. Oh yes I did.
This enchanting little devil, cast from a real bat's skull, is enough to make me re-think the whole belly button thing. No offense or anything, but I always sort of associated navel piercings with surfers, porn stars, and Jersey girls.
Yes, my bad. Shame on me. I totally get it now. And I would LOVE to have this hanging from my navel. It's just so wrong, it's right. It also completely justifies pasty skin at the beach. Dear Goths & Metalheads: See you in the sunlight!
Just to be sure you don't run out of ideas, here are a few other trinkets to lend some worldly charm to our plethora of diaphanous, summery dresses....
 |
| Similar Hand-Carved Deer Antler Skull by Braincase |
 |
| Chloe, Spring 2012 |
There's something really easy about this superlong, supersheer dress with a long, delicate skull pendant.
The key with the skull jewelry is to mix it with something that isn't gimicky. It makes more of a statement when paired with something elegant and minimal. Feminine, but never girly. Pink frills and roses with skulls is not ironic. It's just detestable.
 |
| Chloe, Spring 2012 |
This exemplifies my idea of properly cheeky office attire (swap the shorts for a white pencil skirt). Add the peter pan skull collar on top of the button down, and it becomes a rather lively "Day of the Dead".
 |
| Alice & Olivia Spring 2012 |
These three darlings go together like good old fashioned bread, butter, and pickles. I would wear this Alice and Olivia ensemble with a gold bangle on each wrist. Keep the green pumps for the office, and exchange for leather gladiator sandals on the weekend.
It would be awfully fun to dig around in the picnic basket with these devilish little talismans flanking a wholesome, pastel skirt. Don't you think?
 |
| Similar Sterling Silver Claw Ring by Skeletos, $76 |
 |
| Blue Diamond 18k Gold Stackable Rings, $94 each |
 |
Lanvin, Spring 2012
|
Cocktail Hour = The Only Hour that Really Matters
Obviously, rings are my go-to adornments. Pair this ethereal aqua frock with the dangerously pointy Raven's claw ring, some sort of Balenciaga-esque biker heel in black leather, and a super dark smokey eye. Later wear it with the dainty stackable gold skull rings, blush colored satin heels, and very vampy cat-eye liner, a la Dita Von-Teese.
And so ends my little chapter on how to adulterate (enrich!) the nonsensical notion that summer is all about flowers, bright colors, butterflies, laughing children, and tooting trumpets.
